Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Eliot's decision

Well, it seems that Eliot has made a decision. We will try to go to Alaska. He says that what he is scared stiff of is settling down. It seemed for a while like that might be a choice. We had driven over to Laughlin and Eliot did fine on the drive, only had trouble sleeping in the hotel probably because he didn't have the soft pillow he uses here in the 5th wheel. Eliot likes to go to Laughlin now and then to play the slot machines and see a cheap comedy show and eat at the terrible buffets. I usually go up to the room early and read or watch TV if there's anything on to watch (Laughlin is the poor man's Las Vegas so they don't have many TV stations on whatever cable they have) after I have lost the money Eliot gave me to play the slots.
There have been many chapters in my life. When I lived with Brian we would eat reasonably and go to symphonies at the Eastman Theatre and bicycle a lot. I remember in the summer when Brian was still working sometimes I would make sandwiches and as soon as he came home we would get on our bicycles and ride to the Barge Canal bicycle path and have our supper. When I was married in Arkansas I would make a picnic supper and pick up Mark, my husband, in the VW mini van with the three kids and we would go to one of the lakes. I couldn't take Mark home first because being an alcoholic as soon as he got home he would have a beer and we would never make it out to a lake so that's why I picked him up. Of course, I brought the beer along for him. He never had a driver's license. Somewhere along the line I knew he should never be able to drive and being a good co-dependent it also kept him dependent. I didn't know any of this at the time. Only years later did I find out about it in therapy.
Back to now and Eliot. It's rather wierd being almost completely powerless in a relationship. Anyhow when we were in Laughlin we looked at a condo. I don't think the one we saw was foreclosed but there were a lot of bargains around and we also looked at houses across the river in Bullhead City that had been foreclosed. Although I have no power in this relationship I made it clear that there was no way I was going to end up in one of these houses in Bullhead City and was not crazy about a condo in Laughlin but would go along with that (unenthusiastically). Back to Phoenix. Eliot knew that I thought the RV park we stayed at in Prescott Valley would be my preference if we had to settle down but he was not in favor of that but found a manufactured home community in Prescott just outside of the National Forest in the foothills with great bargains and we looked at the homes there. Although some of the homes were quite cheap and one even had a great view and there were trees all around but the monthly lease was extremely high. He said if he were to die first I couldn't afford it. I said no problem, I'd rent out the second bedroom or get a job in Walmart. I said if he had to settle down it would seem like a place he could deal with. You could walk right into the forest trails from the community.
As I said Eliot is scared of settling down. His desire is to drop dead of a heart attack while hiking.
I used to be scared of that and thought that he was kind of selfish. Like what do I do with your dead body out in the wilderness. I lived through this past summer at Pole Creek Lake and we made it out and got back to Phoenix and Eliot has had his neck surgery. He has to go back to the cardiologist in February after blood tests after using these new medications he started and I guess unless there's something wrong we'll plan on traveling again probably sometime in March. My son Patrick should be coming out to Arizona in February. I did tell Eliot that I didn't want to leave before Patrick came out.
And on the way up to British Columbia I want to stop at my brother's on the Long Beach Peninsula in Washington. Perhaps we'll make it to Alaska. At least if we travel we'll eat better. Eliot loves to go to buffets so here we end up at the Golden Corral or Souper Salad and have one big meal besides breakfast which seems to agree with Eliot's constitution but not at all with mine.
Now I'm reading Slaughter House-Five.
And so it goes.
I just finished a book by Alexander McCall Smith unlike any of the books I've read by him. I've read all the No. 1 Ladies Dectective Agency books he's written which take place in Botswana and most of his novels about the Scottish woman philosopher but this one "La's Orchestra Saves the World" takes place mainly in England during WWII.
And so it goes.
I guess I will have to find my pluck.
One more thought: I so admire Bobbie and would have liked to have been a good person and mother like she is. I agreed with her other followers that it sounds like her daughter is like an apple that didn't fall far from the tree. To console myself I've decided that my wonderful son, Patrick, is my apple and that my daughter, Mary Ellen, must be her father's apple! As for Jake, my older son, he is unique. I'll have to write about him someday.


  1. Well, thank you for the kind words.
    I'd like to hear more about Jake too.
    You keep saying you have no power in this relationship. You sound like a strong woman to me, and I can't help wondering why you give up any power. Alaska sounds exciting. I always thought I'd like to go there. Although, ever since Sara Palin burst onto our world, I'm a bit put off by the whole idea. Do you really want to make that trip? If you do - fine. If not, I don't understand why you just go along with it. But, it's really not my business,is it? I should shut up.
    I have done just a little traveling - nothing like your experiences. I do mine in my mind and imagination with the help of books, TV and computer. Never had much money to do any for real. But my daughter has managed to do extensive traveling on next to no money. Guess I never had that kind of courage of imagination or whatever it is it takes. I'm too much of a dreamer and not enough doer.

  2. Oh but you are a good person, Karin. All I read here tells me this.
    Your honesty shines from the page.
    There is no such thing as a 'perfect' mother. We are all flawed and do the best we can with what we have.
    Tell me some of the titles of the Smith books about the Scottish philosopher, I did read his #1 books a few years ago, 2 of them, was more like ho-hum to me. Are the other ones better would you say?