Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Today the big complaint is Pocketmail. Pocketmail is this handheld device that you can hold up to the phone to send and receive email which I got a long time ago when I was traveling alone. Actually it was a present at the end of a three month relationship with a first class asshole who I traded in for a poodle. Now that's a long story which I'll get into another time. Actually that's two stories: the asshole retired Air Force Lt Colonel and my 3 years with Cherie, my foster poodle.
So since we have satellite I use the Pocketmail website instead of taking the device to a phone. Some hacker or phisher messed up pocketmail and now I can't get my email from the website anymore. I actually have several emails besides the pocketmail but there were a number of people, mostly my family that I stayed in touch with through Pocketmail. So being Sunday (when our cell phone has unlimited minutes) I called everybody including my friend in Arkansas with whom I hadn't spoken in years. That was the high point of my day!
What pisses me off the most about not being able to access the website of Pocketmail is that I saved so many messages that chronicled our journeys which I never printed off and a lot of other stuff in various boxes and I've paid pocketmail through next May!
Maybe I shouldn't even be relying on this blog because of cyberwarfare!
Back to notebooks and pens. Fortunately I did keep a log but since I've been blogging I don't write much in it anymore except dr appointments and the names of the stupid movies we see and one other private matter :).
Friday, October 23, 2009
"He doesn't bark. I like dogs that don't bark. What's his name?"
"That's Teddy and I'm Joe. My wife is Edie. I'm Irish and she's Dutch. That doesn't amount to much. You new here?"
"We're just passing through. We'll be here for a month. You live here?"
"Now we do but we're from New Jersey. I drove a newspaper truck"
"I was married to an Irishman. He drank. When we were in Ireland they either drank or wore abstinent buttons"
"I don't need no button. Never touched a drop. On my route there would be tavern after tavern " Joe pointed "there and there and there and there, one after the other and they all asked me what"ll I have and I would say 'a coke'"
"Nice talking to you. I've got to go to the bathroom"
"See you around"
Next day I'm riding my bike and come across Joe and Teddy in the golf cart. I stop and say hello and scratch Teddy's head.
"So where do you and Teddy go"
"I take him up to the dog run. I was so mad. Somebody had a big dog who made this big turd and just left it there. How can people do that? I always pick up after Teddy"
"Yeah, some people are jerks. Especially people with big dogs. I hate it when I'm walking or riding my bike and a dog barks at me, like they should have special sections in the park for people with dogs. One lunged at me. Although he was on a leash, he scared the hell out of me and I almost fell off my bike. I reported it to the office."
"Why don't you come meet Edie. I'm Irish and she's Dutch and we don't amount to much"
I followed Joe on my bike and he called to Edie to come out. She came out on the porch. And Joe rode away with Teddy.
I remember looking up at her. She had very big nostrils. That's not very nice but that's what I remember most about her face.
"Joe says you're from New Jersey. I was born in Brooklyn. He said I should meet you"
"You know Joe has dementia. He takes medication but I can't let him go anyplace alone outside the park. We both use oxygen at night and always take it with us but don't take it into restaurants. We like to eat out a lot but they don't have good restauants here like they do in Jersey."
"Eliot doesn't like to spend more than $10 for a meal. He says he just wants to buy a meal, not the restautant. So we go to Golden Corral a lot for the early bird senior special. He likes buffets.
We used to go to Souper Salad but they closed."
"Yes, they closed 3 years ago. Times have changed. You can't get a meal for $10. $15 to $20 is the least these days" Then Edie listed a number of places where you can get a decent meal for that but I didn't pay much attention because I knew Eliot would never consider them.
When Eliot and I first met I would treat him once a month to a real restaurant meal on our monthly anniversary date but I stopped after a while because it wasn't any fun. He thought I was wasting my money and he would order the cheapest thing on the menu. And then we would have nothing to talk about while waiting for service. It's best when we eat at home in the RV. He makes everything in the microwave except for the frozen vegetables which he boils in a pot.
We usually have canned potatoes and either frozen chicken breasts, frozen fish or Boca burgers. When we first met I tried to cook for him but he didn't like anything I made and he won't let me use the oven. "It's for storage" he says. Like the bathtub even if we have full hookups.
"Nice meeting you Edie. I'd better get back"
"Stop by anytime"
The next morning I met Joe and Teddy and we chatted again.
"I'm Irish and Edie's Dutch and that doesn't amount to much" I used to drive a newspaper truck
and there were tavern after tavern and they asked me what I what I wanted and I always said 'a coke'"
Okay, I tried to write some dialogue. I never was any good at writing dialogue so I though I'd give it a try but then what happened. I got self absorbed again and started complaining. I do that a lot lately. Wow, I'm really into self-pity when I'm not doing the self-hatred bit. I'm good at both. But I did email my congresswoman. I tried calling her but her mailbox was full. It was about the public option. I got an email from Credo telling me that Giffords had not yet stated her position on Pelosi's robust Medicare+ 5% public option and I should tell her to support it. I also called my brother and my son, Patrick today. My whole family are Democrats and it's really hard living with a Republican so I had a good time with my brother. Eliot can't stand Barney Frank, like he's responsible for the mess we're in especially the housing bubble. My brother loves Barney Frank, says he's got 3 strikes against him. He's gay, Jewish and has a lisp. It's funny that Giffords is my rep in Congress. Up until April I was a registered voter in New York because my driver's license from New York which had been good for 9 years finally expired and I had to get an Arizona driver's license using my brother's address in Tucson which is my mailing address. So at least I have a Democrat representative in Congress. I've tried writing to my two Republican Senators, McCain and Kyl but that's like hitting my head against a brick wall. At least they know there's one voter in AZ who opposes their positions.
Now I guess I should try to remember the other three cross sabbats. I really didn't study Wicca very long and of course became disenchanted with it as I did with all organized religions. What I liked most was "Do as thou wilt but harm none" and I liked calling down one of the many (symbolic) Goddesses to assist me when I needed her help. Let's see there Lammas, that comes between the summer solstice and the fall equinox, probably some sort of harvest celebration. Beltane is the real fun one where you jump across the fire and go into the woods with a comvenient male for procreation. That's become May Day and comes between the spring equinox and the summer solstice. The fourth one is the one I always have trouble remembering. It's February 2nd. Imbolc I think. Now it's become Ground Hog's Day.
If you want to find out more, just Google Wicca.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
What we need now is some humor. New Jersey, that's a funny place. I read some comedian or actor - what's his name - is trying to sell his 30million$ house for 15million. I think it would make a nice old people's home. He should donate it to us. That should help his taxes. The taxes on the home are almost 200thoussand $ a year. Could we afford that? or maybe if we set it up as non-profit or make it into a church. The church of the Almighty Old Person. We could take turns being the Mother Goddess. Oh by the way, no males allowed especially not WASPs. They're definitely not PC these days. We'd probably have to put in some alterations, like a lift to get some of us in and out of the pool and we'd need a PT for the gym. What the hell would we do with the bowling alley? Any suggestions? Lots of room to plant yellow flowers for Mellow Yellow Monday and I have a friend who's into making houses green. Does that mean I can't paint my room purple? Actually I think I'd like rainbows. And only old comedies in the movie theatre except for Hitchcock. A few raunchy ones would be okay too especially if we could get Margaret and Helen to join us.
Monday, October 19, 2009
And then I finally figured out when I had to reset my password that I had been typing the number part of the password wrong!
And now I probably ought to go to bed because we have to get up before 6am because Eliot's stress test is at 7:20.
Most of my life I was in charge. I had a marriage where my husband drank and taught his students and I had to do everything else. He didn't even drive. And then the 12 years I lived with Brian he gradually broke away from my control. (We both had a lot of therapy.) And then I was on my own for five years driving my RV back and forth across the country. Now I feel completely helpless. I've never even driven the fifth wheel . We used to have a Class A motorhome which Eliot drove pulling the trailer with the quads and I drove a Tacoma truck following him. That wasn't bad except he refused to get CBs so some time he lost me because he wouldn't notice I wasn't behind him. But now we have a truck which pulls the fifth-wheel which pulls the trailer and I'm always the passenger. A few times I got to drive the truck like after he has a medical procedure and the day I went to the thrift shop by myself.
Sometimes I'm pretty depressed and wonder if it would be better just not to wake up some morning. But actually mornings are the best time. It's now late at night so I'll take a Valium and an Ambien and tomorrow will be another day.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Everyday two of the other children got to play with the big doll house. I was waiting for my turn. It never came. Lisa and I had to go to first grade after only a half year of kindergarten. I never asked Lisa if she ever got to play with the dollhouse. Okay I'm whining and making excuses for not having ever grown up just because I had only a half year of kindergarten. I use that excuse all the time especially when I get mixed up with right and left. "I told you to turn right instead of left because I only had half a year of kindergarten."
Okay so I'm scattered. I'm reading three books at once and then bought a dozen more at the thrift store so now I'm reading 5 books at once. Ah, but it's the one I read before I fall asleep that really matters. I got back to Jung last night and had fabulous dreams. It's always nice to find someone else who had a confusing childhood.
I even found a book for Eliot at Stepping Stones which is quite a feat because Eliot hasn't read a book since he was 12 years old that didn't talk about trails. It's about squirrels.
When I was barefoot and pregnant in Arkansas, well actually I wasn't pregnant anymore. It's another expression I use too much like "I only had half a year of kindergarten" like I'm trying to be Andy Rooney or Sam Levinson. So the three children and I would go to the library once a week and get lots of books. Half of mine would be for my husband. This was one of the few things I could do to please him besides buy his Irish Whiskey.
Mark (my husband) and Eliot (my current paramour - a word I introduced to his illiterate family and friends at his granddaughter's 23rd birthday party last week) are so different they could belong to different species: homo intellectus and homo hikeus.
Oops, did I mention I was scattered?
Off to the urologist, another funny guy who likes to stick a gidget up my widget (his expresssion , not mine). He has cartoons on the ceiling so that when you're lying on your back with your legs in those contraptions, you can read them and laugh instead of wince.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
So instead Eliot took a two hour walk through the RV park. It's a large park with mobile homes at one end. He probably had to make only two circuits while I got to go to Stepping Stones, one of the local thrift stores where for under $20 I got five shirts - two long sleeve and three short sleeve, a pair of nylon hiking pants and a dozen books. I love thrift stores. I almost never buy anything new. Utah has the best thrift stores in the country run by Deseret Industries (known as DI) the charity arm of the LDS church. Goodwill has gotten too expensive. The Salvation Army, DAV, and some of the others charities are variable. Some of the best buys can be hospital thrift stores because people die with lots of nice hardly used clothes and the stores are usually staffed by volunteers who underprice. Before I met Eliot and I travelled alone for 5 years I thought of writing a guide to thrift stores throughout the country. But now I hardly ever get to spend time in them. Not one of Eliot's favorite pasttimes.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
It's hard to believe that for six years before we became decrepit we hiked all the time. In fact we met through the keyword "hiking" on Yahoo Personals.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
I tried to figure out how I missed this wonderfully written post. I must not have known of you then when we were still in the mts and Eliot turned the generator off when he started his nighty campfires. I had an alcoholic husband also from whom I had been divorced and tried to help once, actually got him into VA rehab but after his second collapse our daughter rescued him but he didn't like living in the assisted living home she put him in and got a friend to get him out. He died six weeks later and I would have gone to his funeral but it was postponed 3 months because of the backlog at Arlington National Cemetery where his ashes finally ended up. I was far away by then as I had already become a gypsy (full-time RVer) but I should have flown back for the funeral for my daughter. That would be once less thing she'd have against me. I have recently begun reading Jung as I've always been interested in his idea of the collective unconscious and think he'd be thrilled with cyberspace where all our thoughts are floating around. I'm sure no one will read this because it's over a month late but it doesn't matter. I only afraid Anne (I call you Anne even though we don't know each other and you've never read any of my posts) that I'll never finish my library books including Memories, Dreams, Reflections because I'll be spending all my time reading your posts.
Yesterday we saw Eliot's cardiologist and his blood pressure is too high but he made a deal with the cardiologist not to put him on more powerful drugs till he can see if he can bring his blood pressure down by giving up beer. He usually drinks a six pack at night so he can sleep. He's sure now that he won't be able to sleep but did get some last night. He will be having more tests next week including a chemical stress test. He says he doesn't want his blood pressure to go down because he's afraid of the surgery. I know he's concerned about the surgery and I'm not sure how much to believe him. The high blood pressure would seem to me to be more of a problem.
We have three days that we don't have to go down to Phoenix and hope to do some hiking each day.
I wish I had more time to write and read other blogs as well as the three books I'm currently reading. Maybe I should hire a "life coach" I heard there are actually such people that make their living organizing other people's life. (I don't know how to put in one of those funny faces so I'll just say smile or laugh)
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Secondly the Wal-mart billionaires aren't making their money from Wal-mart. When Wal-mart was riding high and everybody was buying their stock, they took their money and invested it in other companies. Wal-mart stock is really down now but it won't effect their wealth. Things are not black and white. Wal-mart is not all good or bad. We shop there all the time because it's cheaper. Wal-mart didn't put the Mom and Pop stores out all by themselves and if a community wants to keep them out, they can by their votes.
I am basically against super capitalism and greed but also against fanaticism whether it's on the right or left.
I know stress reduction exercises but Eliot won't let me do any of this "new age" stuff on him. I tell him that there are scientific results that the relaxation response lowers blood pressure. He says all he needs to do to reduce stress is to go hiking so today we're going to go hiking at Lynx Lake.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
I had a cup of Earl Grey tea and decided I'd wait also to eat. My son, Jake, in Budapest is always telling me to go on juice fasts. He does it all the time usually for 3 days but sometimes longer. Did I ever mention that both my sons are vegetarians. Another short story!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
I'm thinking there's several short stories in there after reading about what a short story is by Nadine Gordimer. And the coming full circle I guess is that maybe I did learn something from that essay course I took at Writers and Books those many years ago, you know like there's got to be a point you're making, tying things together. Eliot says what's this thing about mothers and daughters. I said Freud figured it out but Eliot never even heard of Oedipus. All he knows about is hiking and stocks. I know I'd never get lost in the woods with Eliot. Now there's another short story.
Bobbie, It's finally comforting to have all these siblings especially my youngest brother who was only 11 when I got married and I only got to know 30 years later. I sure didn't feel that way many times in the past. Eliot is an only child and has only one son. It makes his life simpler. Maybe that's why he loves those Alvins so much.
But back to my siblings. I often wonder who's going to go first . My 75 year old sister who's in assisted living and can't walk and says her short term memory is shot. One of the twins who's 68, diabetic, had a quintuple bypass and parts of his esophogus and stomach and one kidney removed from cancer (diagnosed early), bad peripheral neuropathy and is in constant pain, takes 4 Vicodan a day but he's the patriarch. The other twin who was always the physical fitness nut and was a psychologist in the Air Force (now that's another story) but has chronic indolent leukemia, now in remission. My youngest brother who's 64 and travels all over the world (his wife used to have a tour guide business and is the daughter-in-law my mother my disliked) but is basically healthy and exercises a lot. He did have a failed hernia operation several years ago that perforated his intestine and was hospitalized a month. He also worries the most (after me) or will I be the first to go. My problems are not lifethreatening I think. I have peripheral neuropathy and might be pre-diabetic. Just started testing my blood sugar. My legs and feet swell and I wear elastic stockings. I have interstitial cystitis and don't empty my bladder so I'm prone to UTIs and have ulcerative proctitis which is currently in remission. Most of my problems are probably due to having been on a tricyclic anti-depression (desimpramine) for 7 years. The side effects were terrible but the half-empty glass was finally half-filled. I always thought my depression was caused by my seeing the pathology of the human race but it turned out to be the reuptake of norepinehrine in the synapsis. Or so they say. Anyhow now what keeps me alive is writing on my blog (and what saved me this summer when I sometimes felt that I'd rather not wake up in the morning) and finding all of you in cyberspace especially Bobbie and Celeste and now webwisewoman urging me to write. and all those other wonderful women whose blogs I read.
I wrote this this earlier but didn't post it right away because I wanted to ride my bicycle a little bit while Eliot walked and then Eliot wanted to go out to the early bird special at the Golden Corral (for those that don't know the Golden Corral is an all you can eat buffet that lures obese seniors in between meals). I thought this would be a good opportunity for me to see what would happen to my blood sugar if I just stayed away from the Dessert Bar and kept all other carbs to a minimum. I stuffed myself on green vegetables and salad with pine nuts and ham, a deviled egg and a bunless hot dog (they didn't have any sauerkraut - how can you eat a hot dog without sauerkraut?). My blood sugar was 107 right after the meal. I think that's okay. I'm keeping a log. My fasting blood sugar when I got up this morning was 84 and just 89 after a lowcarb breakfast.
Then we went to our storage shed because I told Mary Ellen I might have something about her Irish relatives. I didn't find what I was looking for but did find her little stuffed bear that she always took to bed and too many other old memories.
Monday, October 5, 2009
I also spoke to my sister who is in an assisted living place in Jackson, WY where her daughter lives. She is 3 years older than me and has fought MS since she was 24, actually having a child when she was 40. I was "yuck another girl" in the opinion of my paternal grandmother
and then when I was four years old my twin brothers were born and I learned that taking care of precious baby boys made me useful. Another boy was born four years later. My mother said we were all mistakes, that is, we weren't planned. My father was a compulsive gambler but died when he was 53, leaving my mother who was 49 penniless. She then made a life for herself, starting selling in a Sears store in Florida and ended up as their top decorator. When she retired from Sears at 65, she moved to Rochester, NY where my brother had just opened a Fabrics store and she started his "shop at home" business decorating many fancy homes. When I sold my house to Brian and bought my RV I took her in the RV to Tucson where my sister had just moved and my youngest brother had lived for years. She found a retirement home there and then I drove her in the RV to Florida where my brother for whom she had worked now lived and then after she sold her house in Rochester I took her in the RV back to Tucson by way of Sheridan, WY where the other brother now lived with his second wife. My mother loved traveling in the RV. This is beginning to sound like an autobiography. Write, write, write but should I be doing this on my blog. What is a blog anyhow? It started out as a windy weekend when I called all my relatives, I also spoke to all 3 brothers. My Mother died on Thanksgiving Day in 2002. I and all my siblings were there. We had come to celebrate Thanksgiving with her because she had turned 90 that July. She was in ICU by the time we all got there. So we pulled the plug on Granny. She had septicemia by then and the machine was doing 100% of her breathing. Every Thanksgiving now I feel I should light a Yarhzeit candle instead of eating turkey. Maybe this year I will.
Why am I writing all this. When I was around my daughter's age sometime in my 40's my brother (who had become the patriarch) sent me and my mother to my nephew's bar mitzvah in Tucson and my mother and I started talking about "our disagreements" especially over my sister-in-law and ended up crying into each others arms. So that's why I called my daughter.
Friday, October 2, 2009
We went back to Dr Field who showed us just what he does actually showing us what I had seen on You Tube. He removes the disc, clean up the vertebrae, grafts on a cadaver bone and then holds it in place with a metal thing which he screws in. When that is done (the metal plate) you don't need to wear a collar long. Field said he didn't even need to wear it at night. And last night we saw friend chiropractor Bill who first said he is against surgery except in Eliot's case. If he were a couch potato and was not going anyplace then he would say just get the shot and hang around but since Eliot wants to be active he should get the surgery even if the third shot leaves him pain free. Also he explained why he was sick after the fall. Toxins are released from the disc so we're thinking it must have herniated when he fell. He said the fusion is necessary because of the stenosis and agreed with Field that this is a good surgery especially since it's one level. I just hope Eliot follows through because as Bill said you don't want something happening in East Jesus, Nebraska and something like even a sneeze could cause a problem. He also made some suggestions about my problems so now I know what to ask Levy, my PCP, when I see him. Eliot will get one more cortisone shot Monday and if that goes okay I'll see Levy on Monday afternoon. I did see Maureen, my urologist, Hurm's nurse. She is wonderful. I should write about her on in another post. She did give me some cipro because there were some white cells but the culture results won't be in until Monday and then she got me fitted in to see Hurm on the 15th even though there was no room. You see in addition to my peripheral neuropathy and circulation problems (I wear elastic stockings), I have institial cystitis and also don't empty my bladder fully (which is why I get frequent UTIs) but Hurm said last time he did a procedure (he is so funny, talks about torture and putting a gidget up my widget) he said my bladder actually can hold up to 2 liters so sometimes, especially during a long movie, I just tell myself I don't really have to pee, it just feels like I do.
So it looks like Eliot will have surgery on Sept 21st. I'm optimistic. He's not.