Monday, October 19, 2009

Mad Woman Returns

This mad woman is not just crazy she's also angry and she certainly isn't wise (that was always tongue in cheek anyhow). I couldn't log into my blog like they didn't friggin know who I was. Like aren't they suppose to remember me even if we move the satellite. We just had another hell of a day moving down from Prescott Valley to Cave Creek Regional Park on Carefree Highway just north of Phoenix. and the high was 99F. We actually made two trips first taking the fifth-wheel which Eliot still hasn't mastered backing up. And then after setting up the satellite we went back up to Prescott Valley for the trailer with the quads and ate at Golden Corral which Eliot loves and is probably one of the worst places for me to eat.
And then I finally figured out when I had to reset my password that I had been typing the number part of the password wrong!
And now I probably ought to go to bed because we have to get up before 6am because Eliot's stress test is at 7:20.
Most of my life I was in charge. I had a marriage where my husband drank and taught his students and I had to do everything else. He didn't even drive. And then the 12 years I lived with Brian he gradually broke away from my control. (We both had a lot of therapy.) And then I was on my own for five years driving my RV back and forth across the country. Now I feel completely helpless. I've never even driven the fifth wheel . We used to have a Class A motorhome which Eliot drove pulling the trailer with the quads and I drove a Tacoma truck following him. That wasn't bad except he refused to get CBs so some time he lost me because he wouldn't notice I wasn't behind him. But now we have a truck which pulls the fifth-wheel which pulls the trailer and I'm always the passenger. A few times I got to drive the truck like after he has a medical procedure and the day I went to the thrift shop by myself.
Sometimes I'm pretty depressed and wonder if it would be better just not to wake up some morning. But actually mornings are the best time. It's now late at night so I'll take a Valium and an Ambien and tomorrow will be another day.


  1. Hang in there, Karin. You've been through a lot. I've been really depressed twice in my life, so know what it feels like, but you can bring yourself out of it, and life can become so much better. It's still a beautiful world out there.

    Your Google problems, I can certainly empathize with. Sometimes don't know how they can continue to cause such havoc for us. Don't know about you, but I have found it impossible to reach them to ask questions. Their "most asked questions" pages never address the questions I want to ask.

  2. I won't give any advice because I don't really know where you are in space and time. I just am lucky to know where I am. As a response to your comment on my blog, I have been the to the four corners area and explored a number of areas in that region. Love the desert as it makes me feel the right size.