Saturday, February 20, 2010

Shutter Island

I shouldn't ever watch movies that have to do with insanity. There's just to many times in my life when I felt close to the edge and two of children were even hospitalized with brief manic episodes but I've never been manic. From adolescence on I felt either okay or not okay, meaning depressed. The closest I ever came to euphoria were at the births of my children. I always say those were the three best times of my life. and occasionally something would happen that would make me feel good for a couple of weeks, once a workshop with Paul Winter. Those times I was Karin, the other times I was Narren, the not okay Karin. I went to many therapists until I was finally put on medication. But I haven't been taking anything for quite a while but last week asked my PCP if I could try Cymbalta because I've been either depressed or anxious or worse like not wanting to wake up in the morning. He also wanted me to add tamotrigine which you have to start out very slowly because of the possibility of a life-threatening situation starting with a rash. It's supposed to even one out, yeah, like I'm ever going to become manic just because two of my children had manic episodes but they hadn't slept for four nights and my daughter had been on drugs. And now I have headaches. So I'm stopping the tamotrigine because it's more likely to be from that and not the Cymbalta and if there's one thing worse than being depressed it's a headache.
I actually was feeling better from the Cymbalta until I saw Shutter Island. The day before we watched a DVD "National Lampoon presents Repli-Kate"and I couldn't stop laughing for 5 minutes after the movie.


  1. Yes I can relate, Karin, having a mild form of bi-polar but having extremis episodes way back. Mild one recently. I don't take meds anymore as I try to embrace both conditions, one wouldn't be without the other, IMO. For me anyway.
    Drugs can be scary....

  2. Shutter Island is the kind of movie I definitely stay away from. I think there's enough horror in the world without deliberately exposing myself to more.
    My mother was one who never wanted to hear or read anything unpleasant. She pretended the world was always beautiful and full of love at all times. That's as bad as the opposite of course, but I'd rather just watch light comedy, and save the awful things for the real world when it has to be faced.